This morning, Evan walked through the door after getting back from the gym, he said, “Hello, family!” I responded with a bland, “Hi.” I was in the middle of an ab workout with Simon in the walker crying and repeatedly saying “Mama, Mama, Mum, Mum, Maaaaaaammmmaaaa.” I looked calm, but inside my patience was reaching it breaking point. I finished the workout, while Evan played with Simon and then when I was finished I left the room. Evan followed me and asked if I was alright. I responded with a “Mmhmm.” He grabbed me by the shoulders and said, “Whoahhhh, nope, what’s wrong?” I said, “I need a break.” To that he responded with, “Go. Go take a shower and go.” I love that man. He loves me well. I got in the shower at 8:11 and was in the car by 8:24. Days like these where I’m just so tired, and feel like a bad mom because I need a break from my baby who I love more than I can describe, I’m grateful for a husband, who cancels his morning plans just so sit and drink a cup of coffee, take a breath and not have my clothes tugged on for an hour or two.
I love my family. I love being home taking care of Simon, running our home and being there for my husband. I love it. I really really do. But, there’s also those times where I start to forget who I am without a baby on my hip and a load of laundry to do. Lately, I’ve been feeling a little over my head with life, but trying to keep it together. There’s been a lot going on, a lot of good things like planning a birthday party for my little 6lb, 3 oz baby who is somehow turning 1…what?!… but we’ve been busy. I’ve been needing time to just get away and collect my thoughts and breathe.
After I ordered my coffee and my giant blackberry scone that completely negated the 25 minute ab workout and sat down, I instantly felt a lot of stress melt away. It was a glorious feeling!
I spent some time praying about what the Lord has for me in this season of life. Lately, I’ve been feeling a little lost in who I am and that I need to find that “thing” that I can call mine. Whether it’s a hobby, skill or job, I have been wanting to find that thing that I can be proud of aside from being a wife and mom. That might seem silly, but it’s important to me. Above all else, I’m seeking to be truly content in what I have right now in life, making the most of the day, loving my family well, maybe taking a few more breaks more often so my husband doesn’t have to kick me out of the house, and trusting that He will show me what he desires for me in his time. The verse I read this morning while I sipped my vanilla latte was:
Psalms 39:7 – And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you.
Such a small verse, but exactly what I needed. I have been searching and wondering what God has for me in this area, and what is exciting is I think I may know what that “thing” is now. I’m excited to start diving into it and see what comes from it. Maybe more on that later 🙂
So, now that I feel like I can breathe again, I feel at peace, and my thoughts aren’t intersecting each other anymore and making my brain feel like a mess, I’m going to go home and kiss my husband and my baby and have a really good day.
Also, this was a good read this morning, even though I’m in my early twenties: